These are my posts and my opinions. Don't like them then don't read them. I'm brutally honest, but I know when to cut people some slack. I'm not going to tell a four year old that their drawing of a puppy, or whatever they draw, is terrible or whatever, but if you're looking for an honest opinion, i'm the person you want to talk to. I'm not trying to impress anyone, this is just the way I am. I have imperfections but who doesn't. Just, don't touch me. I'm a screamer.
18:22] *******: can u like please talk to me
[18:22] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: i have absolutely nothing to say to you good bye samanthwa
[18:22] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: samantha*\
[18:23] *******: felix..can u please just listen..u know i want to b with u but i cant..i always tell u i dont want our relationship to be ruined…like i know ur an amazing guy and that u care about me…i wish u would just talk to me
[18:23] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: GOODBYE SAMANTHAT
[18:23] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: SAMANTHA*
[18:23]*******: whyyy cant u just talk to me
[18:25] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: because i want nothing to do with you
[18:28] *******: felix..everytime u talk to me about being with me..i know i care about u and i know like that were good together..but i dont wanna b in a situation where something goes wrong and then u hate me..and i know u hate me now but i didnt want u to think i didnt care about u or know u were right..like i know ur a good guy i really do
[18:31]*******: cuz like i know u think im fucking with u when i tell u these things but im not..im just torn between like being ur best friend and not
[18:33] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: i don’t care about what you have to say, seriously you’ve fucked me over to many times and im tired of it. i’ve taken the liberty of deleting you from my phone and facebook. goodbye
[18:35] *******: okay felix..im sorry i did not want to fuck u over..and i can c y ur mad at me..but its not like i never cared about u and this is exactly wat i didnt want to happen..im sorry i went about this the wrong way..i was always confused and torn about us..but thought our friendship was too important..and i know i ruined that
[18:35] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: yes you did and in all honesty, you’ve just lost something that could have been amazing.
[18:36]*******: i know felix..and i c that
[18:36]*******: which is y im trying to talk to u..but i know u dont wanna hear it
[18:36] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: have a nice fucking life with you and your knight in fucking shining armor
[18:37]*******: idk im really sorry and i get why ur mad at me and i wish u would listen to me but i know u wont..
[18:39] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: there is nothing you can say to get us to be friends again because at the end of the day you’re with someone who you decided to be with outta no where when JUST LAST WEEK we were talking about how we should be together and how you still wanted to be with me.
[18:40] *******: i know felix..and i knoww i went about it the wrong way..but i always told u i was afraid of that..and i didnt know wat i wanted to do..i was not trying to fuck u over..i know why ur mad i really do im not blaming u for it..im just trying to talk to u
[18:40] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: i can’t believe you’d do this to me.
[18:41] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: not even a month after breaking up with darwin and you pull this shit?
[18:41] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: seriously. have a nice fucking life.
[18:44] *******: i know felix..i honestly did not know wat i wanted..and i told u i was torn about that..and im sorry i went about it the wrong way..im just telling u im sorry and i didnt want to fuck u over..and i know i did
[18:46] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: i will NEVER fucking accept your apology. at school don’t attempt to talk to me, don’t even look at me… because if your expecting even the slightest glance from me, it will never happen. don’t expect me to ever take you back as a friend. get used to a life without me. actually you know what… you should already be used to a life like that.
[18:47] *******: im not saying u have to accept it..u have a right to b mad at me i understand that
[18:51] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: for what its worth, i always loved you. not in the friendship kind of way, but the other way, i always will love you. but as far as friends go, your as bad as they come.
[18:52] *******: felix i know ive made so many freakin mistakes and honestly i dont deserve u for the way ive been..its not that i never cared but i was always confused bcuz i wanted to b with u and i wanted u to know that but at the same time i didnt want our friendship to b ruined nd i wanted u to know that too..so i never knew wat to do..i wasnt just messing with u like i never cared i truely did not know wat to do
[18:54] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: this conversation,friendship, and twisted little game you played with my emotions is over
[18:54] *******: im not playing a game felix. im rele not
[18:55] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: sam, when i told you that you were dead to me, i meant forever. as i said earlier, goodbye
[18:55] *******: felix i know wat u meant i just wanted to at least try to talk to u
[18:57] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: If you knew what i meant you wouldn’t have IMed me. You have no clue how much emotion i put into those words. if you knew how much you wouldn’t have dared to IM me.
[18:57] Xxtaggerpunk69xX: good bye, i mean it
I think people keep “getting on the horse”, so to say, because they want to succeed at the one thing they are trying to accomplish or conquer. In my opinion, if you fall off the same horse more than once, try riding a different horse. This is a lesson that not only myself but alot of people can really take from. I would say that in terms of all the blogs i’ve done and all the advice i’ve given here on my tumblr, if you even want to call it advice, this one is the one that you can take as much as you want out of. Sort of like the soup kitchen/buffet of advice blogs. If at first you don’t suceed keep on trying, but don’t be so single minded, consider other possibilities.
The reason I say this is my “soup kitchen/buffet” of advice (and quite possibilly, (did i spell that right?), my peak) is because this applies to 95% of your life. Think about it… you suck at your job, try a new one. you’re not exactly comitted to a hobby, find one that you can really get into. Of course the classic, if you’re into a boy/girl and they will never be into you the way you’re into them, find another. There are countless other situations you can apply this into. Anyway, I feel like i’m rambling on about things. bye
I met this girl who is pretty much awesome. She’s into everything i’m into and she laughs at all my lame jokes. Not in that “i’m only laughing because I feel bad for you” kind of way, it’s completly legitimate laughter. She cares about other people before she cares about herself, which is sweet but the number one thing that i really like about her is that she is hands down 110% real. Nothing about her is covering up for something. She doesn’t try to be someone she’s not and she’s no where near embarassed to show people who she really is. She’s shy, but i think i like that.
I met her at a party, the classic “hollywood movie” introduction. She was sitting on a couch all by herself and we kept looking at each other repeatedly because i was sitting on the couch across the room. At one point in the night, I just figured I might as well go talk to her, I did. we talked for the rest of the night and she found me interesting. That was last month… we’ve pretty much talked everyday since then. I find that story ironic because i’m the type of person that NEVER goes up to a complete stranger to talk and get to know, but i’m really glad I did, she was totally worth taking the risk of embarassment! My name is Felix Martinez and I think i’ve finally found the perfect girl!
been “following” people lately. Not in the “hey, i’m in the bushes outside of your house watching you blog” type way… I mean in the hopes that someone will actually read my blog. At first, these blogs were just for me. but now my narcissistic side is kicking in and i want someone to read my blogs. I hope that someone who is feeling down in the dumps will read them oneday and say “wow, that kid is really helpful, he really has a point when he says things like ‘appreciate the things you have’” etc. etc.
anyway i hope people read these and i hope you enjoy them because everything here is always 100% from the heart and nothing less. I hope that they inspire you to be something great, something that you know you can be if you apply yourself. This blogs lesson is totally out of the blue here but, be the person that you want to be… even if it means applying yourself once in a while.
When did this become a “self-esteem” type blog? When reality slapped me in the face and said “stop being such a fucking wimp and let all your experiences help people instead of having them depress people”. That was my wake up call, what was yours?
Today I went to work and i felt super blessed because 10 minutes into my shift i was watching the news and the reporter told me, I felt as if it was almost personally, thata fuck load of people are losing their jobs.Here I am, a good for nothing 17 year old trouble maker from Bergen County, Jersey, and I have something that thousands upon millions of people in the United States might kill for just to put food in they’re families mouths. I really don’t deserve alot of the luxeries that i have.
The fastest lesson I ever learned was that you should never take what you have for granted. That’s the point i’m trying to get across. If everyone just took 2 seconds out of their day to just stop and think about everything that they have the world would go one of two ways. One, people would help out their fellow man alot more, or, the less fortunate would say “we don’t have shit, lets do something about this and better ourselves”. Now don’t get me wrong, I am in no way, shape, or form saying that everybody thats ever been less fortunate deliberatly put themselves in that position. I know from experience that, that is far from the truth. However, I am saying that some people in that position have never decided to put forth even the smallest effort in bettering themselves. Which is why I look at my house and say “I have a family who cares enough to put a roof over my head, food on my table, clothes on my back, and glasses on my face so I can clearly see that I am, like many other people, blessed to have what i have. Take a number and learn a lesson, for all of our sakes. It’s the least you can do.
Hello. i recently found out that no one reads these. oh well, i guess its because no one is interested. but whatever, i don’t care if you read these or not. They’re really just for me and me alone. so in a sense… by you reading these, you’re invading my personal space. and i got this issue with personal space intrusions. i don’t like them. however some people are allowed to invade this space. but you have to be careful with who you give this kind of trust to. One day you’ll be saying “I, [insert your name here], allow you to enter my personal space because i trust you enough to let you know everything about me” and the next day, guess what, the story changes to “I honestly can’t stand the sight of you, step off”.
It’s already August and i haven’t done anything worth while this summer. I think it’s cause i don’t feel like doing anything. not because of laziness but because of not wanting any interaction with people. i’m happier staying home. which is weird because i’m always up for doing fun things, but now i just don’t see the fun in stuff anymore. I’m rambling. good bye
…a shirt that you really like, and you’ve seen a couple of people wearing it and you know out of all them, you’d look the best in that shirt. So you go to the store and they say “we ran out of that shirt”, and you have to wait for the new shipment, and no one knows when the shipment may come because its always on a crazy schedule. And when it does come, there’s no guarantee you’ll actually get the shirt.
In a nutshell, you’ll either get this or not. If you don’t get it then you’ve never been in the situation i’m in. And if you ever are, you’ll say “ok i get it now!”. and if you do get it right away, Congratulations, you win the prize. However, the best kind of prize is a surprize. Point is, live your life as careless and as fun as you want when the time is right, but for everything else, you might as well be prepared because life will stab you in the back and take your girl. If you catch my drift
a girl who’s pretty much awesome. but thats hard to come by. there is this one though but i dont know….. shits pretty gay
blogging has become the one thing that keeps me from killing myself.
bayside said it best…
“Can’t live my life;
Knowing you’ll be in his arms, each time I blink my eyes;
Know what goes on behind my back; every night.
Afraid I’ll never leave; afraid I’ll never know whats good for me
And when I see her I’ll tell her whats been on my mind,
All these sleepless nights, she’ll recite her excuses,
Put my tail between these legs of mine;
Like i do all the time
And now you say that; you say you love me.
Well i may have your heart, he has your body
And now you swear that; you’re being honest,
But you’re not honest, you never could be”
that’s exactly what i feel. i put in so much effort. and i spent a year of MY FUCKING LIFE. trying to get you to realize that you and me should be together. i spent a year of MY FUCKING LIFE being led on and lied to. a year i will NEVER get back. you stole it from me along with my heart. but what you fail to realize is, you’re throwing away the ONE guy thats NEVER treated you wrong, the one guy who ever TRUELY gave a fuck about you. the ONE guy whose been there when ever you need him. even when i didn’t want to be, i was there. and your throwing it away for a guy you’ve been cozy with for shorter than one of your oh so precious breaths. you can throw me a way and hopefully ill be recycled into something new and useful for someone else. you can quote me on that one if you want.
now tomorrow because of you, ill be forced to walk the halls with a smile on my fucking face that doesn’t belong. and if i survive the entire day like that, ill come home and quote fight club “i’d like to thank the academy”. because truth be told you’ll regret it. but i can’t lie. in a way I’m happy for you because from the start i’ve always wanted you to be happy. but that doesn’t change the fact that you destroyed me on the inside, you opened my mouth and dropped a supply of napalm down my throat. now i hope that when your with him, you think of me. i hope that the heart you killed haunts you in your sleep. and when you wake up, you wake up with a cold sweat. so if you ever happen to read this, all the times that we’ve had since March 25, 2009 have been faked in an attempt to spare some kind of friendship.
